The Past Is a Teacher, Not a Home

The past. It’s complicated. We love it, we hate it, and most times, we unknowingly live from it. Of course, each mindset has its place—but how do we know when to separate who we are from who we were, and who we’re becoming? Is it the past itself we’re attached to, or is it the versions of ourselves we were in those moments? And do we exactly hate the skeletons of our pasts or the role(s) we played in certain situations? Where does our love, hate, and obsession with the past even come from? When is it healthy and when is it not? All questions that need answers. 

Like with most things that spark my curiosity, I went back to the basics. I looked up the definition of “past,” and it’s interesting how one word can mean so many things on different scales. When used as an adjective, it means “having existed or taken place in a period before the present,” and as a noun, “time gone by.” But its definition as a preposition piqued my interest most: “beyond the age or capacity, range or sphere of.” And included in the meaning of beyond is over. 

This context is especially compelling to me because I’ve lived in my head at times, often about the past. I’ve romanticized it, from major accomplishments in my career to memories of traveling or with loved ones. Like the girls’ night I had with my friend yesterday, which included watching “Dreamgirls” and basking in childhood nostalgia. And other moments, I’ve spent time combing through past mistakes and losses, which eventually turned into deep regret, so much so that I want(ed) to erase them completely. In trying so hard to erase my past, I realized I was still living from it—rather than beyond it.

In hindsight, I’ve realized the number one thing to understand about the past is that it’s just that—past. To fully comprehend this simple yet powerful fact is to know how to apply it. Whether it’s a relationship, a place, or a person, it’s okay to leave it in the past, as hard as it is to do. Accepting this notion allows space for healing, freedom from negative memories, and a better future. 

Let's be clear, this isn’t about avoiding your past—healing demands that you face it head-on. But the toxicity we attach to it often reveals something deeper: a lack of belief that things can be better now, not just someday. Instead, we should no longer waste energy on things we cannot change, but recognize that every waking moment equals a new chance to do something differently. Realize that the past isn’t a limitation, but a lesson for future opportunities. You’re not there anymore, you’ve learned from that place, and you’re moving on.

Now, looking back isn’t entirely bad. In my work as a fashion and beauty journalist, I prioritize amplifying my culture, so I often study Black history to inform future concepts and stories—whether that means reading old Vogue or ESSENCE magazines, or watching ‘90s films from John Singleton. At the same time, looking back isn’t entirely good either. Even in the Bible, we see how being too attached to the past can be detrimental—like Lot’s wife, who turned into a pillar of salt because she literally looked back. 

The past is twofold, and its effect on our lives is determined by how we engage with it: knowing which stories are worth holding on to in a healthy way, and which ones are not. In navigating our relationship with the past, maybe it begins with understanding that at some point, you have to not only let it go, but let it be. After all, you can’t walk into God’s future stuck in the past. 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19 {NIV}

Much love and peace,

-Nay.