Everybody Wants to Be "It"—Why?

Though it seems like a new trend comes on the scene every day, there’s one thing that’s become a mainstay on the internet for years—being “it.” It factor, it thing, it girl (that girl, him, main character as spinoffs), I’m sure you’ve heard it all. And there’s nothing wrong with being it. The concept screams coolness, but is twofold; something that’s in you and something that’s shown by how one presents themself. But what is being “it” anyway? And why are we so obsessed with it? 

Wikipedia defines it girl as an “attractive, well-known young woman who is perceived to have both sex appeal and a personality that is especially engaging.” The term is also believed to have originated in British upper-class society during the 20th century to reflect a woman’s social status. Naturally, this reached the American mainstream with the 1927 film It, starring Clara Bow. Fast forward nearly 100 years, it girl is still commonly used in our vernacular, from TikTok and Instagram to the fashion and beauty industries, constantly crowning someone or something as the next big thing. Brigitte Bardot, Pat Cleveland, Grace Jones, Pamela Anderson, Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, Beyoncé, Rihanna, the Hadid sisters (Gigi and Bella), Lori Harvey, and now Olandria Carthen…you get the gist. 

But what intrigues me most about being "it” is the inner workings that make a person exactly that. All the aforementioned names undoubtedly fit the bill, but what about when there’s no glam team, lights, or cameras? What makes a person it, taking appearance out of the equation? The idea of it factor answers this question, defined by the Free Dictionary as "a unique and noteworthy quality that makes someone or something exceptional." This ties back to the concept being twofold. "It" is almost like an anointing. It can’t be replicated, conjured up, or manufactured. It’s not on you—it’s in you. 

This truth is part of why I grapple with society’s obsession with attaining this level. Sure, no one comes out of the womb looking like a walking Pinterest moodboard that screams it girl, or with a golden spoon in their mouth because they’re part of an it family (okay, maybe some do). But there are some people you can look at and just tell they have “it” innately and naturally—and others you can tell they’re simply trying to be “it.” The reasons can vary widely—insecurities, excessive social media use, parasocial relationships with celebrities, or simply a lack of identity. It’s similar to high school, when people often do whatever it takes to fit in. The desire to belong can become so strong that we lose sight of who we really are, making it easier to adopt an identity (i.e., it) without ever fully understanding ourselves in the first place.

In our pursuit of being “it,” could it be costly? Michael Jackson had “it,” but that same quality came at the expense of his childhood, peace, and overall happiness. Whitney Houston had “it” too, yet she also endured deep unhappiness as countless people depended on, benefited from, and profited from her “it” — from those close to her to the outside world. Both cases reveal that although “it” is not inherently negative, the way it’s managed and stewarded can determine whether it becomes a gift or a burden. 

What makes “it” so misunderstood is that people often treat it like a product — something that can be bought, boxed, copied, or curated. But real “it” has always been innate. It’s something certain people naturally carry long before the world gives it a name or long before they’re assigned a social security number. Something that God creates a person with from within the womb. "It" is limitless. You can imitate style, mimic behavior, or build an image, but presence, spirit, and authenticity can’t truly be fabricated. Less like a costume you can put on and take off at any given time, and more like the light you carry. 

As culture continues to shift, true identity is more important now than ever. And chasing to become “it” often pulls us further away from ourselves, limiting the impact we can have on this nation and world simply by being who we were truly created to be. For those who have “it” genuinely, stewardship matters—through self-awareness, humility, and purpose. For those who don’t think they do, maybe your “it” has simply been hidden by failure to recognize the value and uniqueness that God already placed within you. Being “it” is exactly that — it. Shouldn’t that alone be enough?

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17 {NIV}

Much love and peace,

-Nay.